True story incoming:
A Rangers fan wants to attend the Old Firm derby match at Celtic Park. The only ticket he can get is in the home stand, so he puts his jacket on, tries to hide his Rangers scarf under it, finds his seat and sits down to watch the match. During the first half, Rangers score. Unable to control himself, the Rangers fan jumps up in excitement to celebrate the goal. When he sit's back down, the large Celtic fan to his left says to him "Right, you can go and get me a bovril (a kind of instant beef or chicken broth drink that was once popular back home), and leave yer shoe.". Unwilling to argue, the Rangers fan complies, taking off his left shoe and leaving it while going to fetch the hot bovril for the Celtic fan. When he returns, he finds that the Celtic fan has defecated in his shoe. "Right, put that back on", says the Celtic fan. Cringing, the Rangers fan puts the shit-filled shoe onto his foot.
Second half starts and before long, Rangers score again, and the Rangers fan leaps out of his chair once again in celebration. This time, the large Celtic fan to his right says to him "Right, now ye can go and get me a bovril. This time, leave yer other shoe". So, same as last time, the Rangers fan removes his other shoe and goes to fetch the Celtic fan a bovril. Just as before, when he returns, his shoe has been defecated in. He's instructed to put it back on by the large Celtic fan, and does so.
After the match, a local TV crew are interviewing fans outside the ground. they approach the foul-smelling Rangers fan and ask him "Sir, do you think that the intense rivalry and poor relations between fans of these two clubs will ever get better?" The Rangers fan then replies "Do I think it'll ever get better? No love, never. So long as we're pissin' in their bovrils and they're shittin' in oor shoes."
