Coach Shitano
New member
I, Coach Shitano of the TB Bucs had a PERFECT record until this miserable Monday night...
EVERYONE has conspired against me (The NFL, the Tampa Bay area, the weather, the ownership, the Military, my coaches, the players, The Dolphins, Coach Philbin, Warren Sapp, EVERYONE!!!)
As you all know, my mission is to destroy the Bucs. I had exceeded ALL expectations up until Monday night (even though my roster is talented). As Seattle fans have already figured out, I can find a way to screw up the most outlandish of LEADS in a game.
Well, I almost did it again on Monday night, but the cards were already stacked against me - let me explain how the above groups conspired together to force a win:
1) The NFL
How DARE they set up a MONDAY NIGHT GAME for me on VETERAN'S DAY!!! Tampa is where Macdill Air Force Base resides. MacDill is the Command Center for Centcom (which oversees Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, and such areas). Personally, I respect the military (whether I agree with their use or not), but this scheduling was a nightmare unto itself for me. I DON'T NEED FIRED-UP VETERANS ROOTING FOR THE BUCS!
2) The Tampa Bay Area
Why in the hell was THIS game sold out??? I was happier when NO ONE attended home games and when games were blacked out. It's challenging to work my coach shenanigans with so much scrutiny.
3) The Weather
Yes, I even blame the weather. A clear starry filled night at 73 degrees? Really???
Can a Coach get some wind, or rain, or something???
4) The Ownership
The Glazer family is not excused either. WHY CHOOSE THIS NIGHT to RETIRE WARREN SAPP's JERSEY??? Isn't my job of LOSING hard enough???
5) The Military
Listen Military (in particular Macdill Air Force Base) - Keep all of your fancy-pancy airplanes from flying over the stadium in formation in pre-game while the National Anthem is being sung ON VETERAN"S DAY. Can you do that please???
You're creating too much expectaion. That's a lot of pressure for my players to deal with (especially since I think they want to win against my orders).
Also, stop sending your dumb paratroopers to land on the field before the game. I KNOW you are in cahoots with the NFL, Ownership, and the Weather. Stop it!!!
6) My Coaches
Once again, my coaches seem to be colluding to try to actually WIN games (against my orders). They keep coming up with plays I have never seen them call in practice.
Last week against Seattle, my RB threw a "jump-pass" for a TD. Looks like this week we're now throwing Touchdowns to Left Tackles... I'm going to give my coaches an earful tonight...
7) The Players
As mad as I am about my players attempt to win this game, there were just too many outside influences. They were caught up in the moment as if they were on a real NFL team (and not a Shitano-Coached team).
I'm still going to make them pay somehow though...
8) The Dolphins
I HATE the Miami Dolphins & the Jacksonville Jaguars (almost as much as I hate the Bucs). They are constantly trying to steal my limelight of suckitude (especially the Jaguars).
There's a true Florida rivalry going on in this State folks...
9) Coach Philbin
If we were on a level playing field, even though my team is more talented than his, I COULD FIND A WAY TO LOSE...
But Philbin is a lot more crafty than I thought: He knew we would have F-14's, F-16's, Stealth Fighters, Stealth Bombers, and all kind of BS planes flying overhead before the game on Monday Night Veteran's Day, so he took advantage.
His coolest trick though, was prior to our game. I thought I was King of the "off-field troubles" (with MRSA, firing of Josh Freeman, leaking medical info, etc...). But he's managed to somehow get his team to steal the off-field disaster-show...
10) Warren Sapp
Dude, why are you always trying to propel this team to greatness? Can't you see that I'm trying to bring this organization to it's knees??? Why are you privately teaching our DT Gerald McCoy some of your techniques? I know that you were a "new" prototype when you came in the NFL and helped to change the position, but you're retired now.
Let me destroy the Bucs in peace without you fiddling around with my players and accepting "hall of fame" & "jersey retirement" inductions.
Sapp, you don't work for the Bucs anymore. There is NO WAY you should still have the "Keys to the Kingdom". I blame the owners for your "Kingly" crap too.
Speaking of keys, looks like the owners don't have a limit to what you can do at One Buc Place. Will you please hand over the set of keys the owners have given you to MY CAR???
I'm TIRED of you doing doughnuts in the parking lot in MY RIDE...
I'm thoroughly disgusted with this win. It's a conspiracy. A CONSPIRACY I TELL YOU!!!! :x
EVERYONE has conspired against me (The NFL, the Tampa Bay area, the weather, the ownership, the Military, my coaches, the players, The Dolphins, Coach Philbin, Warren Sapp, EVERYONE!!!)
As you all know, my mission is to destroy the Bucs. I had exceeded ALL expectations up until Monday night (even though my roster is talented). As Seattle fans have already figured out, I can find a way to screw up the most outlandish of LEADS in a game.
Well, I almost did it again on Monday night, but the cards were already stacked against me - let me explain how the above groups conspired together to force a win:
1) The NFL
How DARE they set up a MONDAY NIGHT GAME for me on VETERAN'S DAY!!! Tampa is where Macdill Air Force Base resides. MacDill is the Command Center for Centcom (which oversees Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, and such areas). Personally, I respect the military (whether I agree with their use or not), but this scheduling was a nightmare unto itself for me. I DON'T NEED FIRED-UP VETERANS ROOTING FOR THE BUCS!
2) The Tampa Bay Area
Why in the hell was THIS game sold out??? I was happier when NO ONE attended home games and when games were blacked out. It's challenging to work my coach shenanigans with so much scrutiny.
3) The Weather
Yes, I even blame the weather. A clear starry filled night at 73 degrees? Really???
Can a Coach get some wind, or rain, or something???
4) The Ownership
The Glazer family is not excused either. WHY CHOOSE THIS NIGHT to RETIRE WARREN SAPP's JERSEY??? Isn't my job of LOSING hard enough???
5) The Military
Listen Military (in particular Macdill Air Force Base) - Keep all of your fancy-pancy airplanes from flying over the stadium in formation in pre-game while the National Anthem is being sung ON VETERAN"S DAY. Can you do that please???
You're creating too much expectaion. That's a lot of pressure for my players to deal with (especially since I think they want to win against my orders).
Also, stop sending your dumb paratroopers to land on the field before the game. I KNOW you are in cahoots with the NFL, Ownership, and the Weather. Stop it!!!
6) My Coaches
Once again, my coaches seem to be colluding to try to actually WIN games (against my orders). They keep coming up with plays I have never seen them call in practice.
Last week against Seattle, my RB threw a "jump-pass" for a TD. Looks like this week we're now throwing Touchdowns to Left Tackles... I'm going to give my coaches an earful tonight...
7) The Players
As mad as I am about my players attempt to win this game, there were just too many outside influences. They were caught up in the moment as if they were on a real NFL team (and not a Shitano-Coached team).
I'm still going to make them pay somehow though...
8) The Dolphins
I HATE the Miami Dolphins & the Jacksonville Jaguars (almost as much as I hate the Bucs). They are constantly trying to steal my limelight of suckitude (especially the Jaguars).
There's a true Florida rivalry going on in this State folks...
9) Coach Philbin
If we were on a level playing field, even though my team is more talented than his, I COULD FIND A WAY TO LOSE...
But Philbin is a lot more crafty than I thought: He knew we would have F-14's, F-16's, Stealth Fighters, Stealth Bombers, and all kind of BS planes flying overhead before the game on Monday Night Veteran's Day, so he took advantage.
His coolest trick though, was prior to our game. I thought I was King of the "off-field troubles" (with MRSA, firing of Josh Freeman, leaking medical info, etc...). But he's managed to somehow get his team to steal the off-field disaster-show...
10) Warren Sapp
Dude, why are you always trying to propel this team to greatness? Can't you see that I'm trying to bring this organization to it's knees??? Why are you privately teaching our DT Gerald McCoy some of your techniques? I know that you were a "new" prototype when you came in the NFL and helped to change the position, but you're retired now.
Let me destroy the Bucs in peace without you fiddling around with my players and accepting "hall of fame" & "jersey retirement" inductions.
Sapp, you don't work for the Bucs anymore. There is NO WAY you should still have the "Keys to the Kingdom". I blame the owners for your "Kingly" crap too.
Speaking of keys, looks like the owners don't have a limit to what you can do at One Buc Place. Will you please hand over the set of keys the owners have given you to MY CAR???
I'm TIRED of you doing doughnuts in the parking lot in MY RIDE...
I'm thoroughly disgusted with this win. It's a conspiracy. A CONSPIRACY I TELL YOU!!!! :x
