Step aside Chuck Norris...
Russell Wilson's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Russell Wilson counted to infinity... Twice.
If you can see Russell Wilson, he can see you. If you can't see Russell Wilson you may be only seconds away from death.
Russell Wilson sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled quarterbacking ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Russell Wilson roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker the second Wednesday of every month.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep at night he checks his closet for Russell Wilson.
Russell Wilson built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Russell Wilson met all three bullets with his helmet, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
They once made a "Russell Wilson" brand toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
A blind man once stepped on Russell Wilson's shoe. Russell replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Russell Wilson!" The mere mention of his name cured this mans blindness.
Russell Wilson uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
If you spell Russell Wilson in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Russell Wilson once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Russell Wilson re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Russell Wilson's warm-up exercises.
Russell Wilson is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will score a game-winning touchdown.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Russell Wilson.