A few months ago I was banned from the Shack. While no specific rule was broken, I did indeed push the boundaries of common courtesy on occasion. I pushed the boundaries too far, and that’s that. At that time, I told myself and the mods I wasn’t going to come back.
While it would seem logical that was done with a pity-party in mind, that wasn’t the case. I’ve lived with myself long enough to understand the triggers and situations which trigger my OCD. Any situation where my validity or decency as a human in real life will trigger that (my family name carried baggage).
And, as much as it would seem the opposite, I care a lot about my reputation here (abandonment issues, obviously). Too much. So, as much as it shouldn’t bother me, someone ripping my character in a situation where I can’t defend myself, it absolutely does. Add to that the “you’re not human enough for the shack” interpretation, and, wowzers.
I was very foolish and an all-around a “mental midget” for not bowing out back then . And because of that, regretfully, I’ve been browbeating mods to delete my account all AM. And, that’s just stupid. Safe to say if I was on fire, Absolut would hawk a loogy my direction and Jseahawks would mouth “quack” in an attempt to fan the flames. The others would be justified in not lending a hand.
I know better than all this. I just do. I’m equally embarrassed and ashamed.
I’m not writing this for attention. I’m doing this to provide a definitive statement from which I can’t easily “worm” out. And, because I’ve been here since 2004, have met a lot and consider everyone my “crew”. It’s also just time. I’m not a message board, online type guy. I can honestly say I’ve never even seen another message board. I don’t belong.
As I type this there’s probably a couple of members bashing me (or so I heard), who’s bravery coincidently corresponds with my exit from the Shack. I can’t make sense of that.
Anyways, this place is amazing. I’ve travelled to away games, hosted for, drank with, sold drugs to, etc to so many over the years. I’ve done things from build training databases for a member, to actually being a suicidal help-line for one member, until he found insurance. When I was still cool, in maybe one of the last conversations between Leif and myself, we spoke to the ironic yet special thing us members offer each other. Helping someone out like that was the subtext for that specific conversation.
Ryan Adam Davis