Always Fierce wrote:Here's my predicament:
The nice-guy approach pretty much never works. Things get boring and bland real fast and I feel like I'm giving up my man-card when I do so.
On the other hand, being a smug, cocky, funny, somewhat arrogant person works for a time, but whenever I feel like things are starting to get to the point where they might be somewhat serious, I wind up pulling away. Maybe its a fear of getting hurt so I tend to be the one that shuts it down first.
So basically, how does one be nice and genuine without coming across as a pussy?
Let me guess... Tom Leykis fan? Being a manly jerk is supposedly for one-night stands according to him... For low self-esteem women looking to be ravaged by a testosterone-laden manly man. That may work for some I guess, but the funny nice guy angle has always worked for me, for one-nighters and for first dates that have turned into relationships. Chicks love funny guys that are nice. Why wouldn't they? Maybe if you act like a pussy while being funny and nice... Well, I could see that being a problem. Grow some stubble and lower your voice... and get to work on that six-pack! J/k, but I think you kinda get my drift right? It's an attitude thing. You can be manly while being a nice guy too. I guess it's kind of hard to explain. I think maybe it's something that comes natural. I don't remember ever working on it, it was just me being me. So maybe I would say just be yourself if you want to find a woman that you could actually share your whole life with. Eventually you find one that likes you for what you are, and you don't have to fake it the rest of your life. How's that for sage advice? And I never understood the asshole angle, and I would be incapable of doing it anyway... Not in my makeup. Don't put too much stock in the man-card thing. I save that for when I'm out at the gun range with my buddies. We're talking about women here, and their tastes are as varied as anyone else. It's just a matter of finding the one that's down with what you're all about. Seems hard, but most people eventually stumble across "the one" completely by accident... I didn't find my wife by looking for her, we just basically lucked into each other (at least "I" feel I lucked out! ) Just be patient, and the odds are in your favor that it'll happen. And get out there. The more women you meet, the greater the odds. Millions of fish in the sea buddy. Good luck!
P.S. You gotta get rid of that fear of being hurt, or you ain't getting nowhere! Trust me, I'm the worst person I know at going through a breakup! I've been physically ill and jealous and wanting to kill myself for months after being broken up with. It sucks more than anything I've ever gone through, and I've gone through it 3 or 4 times. But you gotta suck it up, let time heal the wound, then get on with your life and onto your next conquest. If you break stuff off before it gets going out of fear of being hurt, you're stuck in the mud man...
Oh, and one more edit: Have you tried any of the myriad dating websites? I think I heard that nowadays, MOST new relationships are formed through one of these sites. Hell, I met my wife on a pre-internet Bulletin Board system in 1991! If you use one of these, be completely honest answering all the questions, and those women that would like you for what you are will find you! I would totally do that if I wasn't already married!
And if all that failed for me, there are some total hotties available from Russia and Thailand if you got some cash!