These two douchebags decide to come harass my mom every other month or so and give a list of grievances verbally and dress her down to the point where she's shaking and crying. I wasn't aware of this. I have now moved in with her, and the two douches decided to show up about 10 minutes after I left (odd timing huh? The retired guys leave right after the guy that's 6'1" 225 and carries a massive cane and looks like evil leaves for the day).

Apparently they decided to just go off on her about this, that, and the other. Mostly it was about her not shoveling her driveway last week (she's had 5 back surgeries to my 4) and she's 71 and drove back and slid a bit and bumped a tree and broke two small branches at the base. They were tiny and not even totally broken. Just cracked, and it's a fir tree for hell's sake. They SAW her do it and didn't offer to come help. Instead they spied on her and took notes.

So I got home and heard that my sister started talking to them and she said, "You guys need to leave. We're done here." They didn't leave. She walks away in disgust and one says to her, "Yeah, that's right... you BETTER walk away honey."

I find out. I get home. I get really worked up when I hear of this and tell my mom to tell me where the main guy lives, because I'm going to go smash his skull in. She won't tell me where his house is... so I go outside and start yelling at houses, "HEY HOA!!! GET OUT HERE. GET YOUR REPORT AND GET OUT HERE!!! NOW. TIME TO TALK OLD MEN WITH NOTHING TO DO. GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW. TIME TO TALK TO ME MAN TO MAN. HURRY IT UP HOA NAZIS. I'M STANDING RIGHT HERE WAITING. HURRY IT UP GENTS! I'M GETTING BORED. GET. OUT. HERE. NOW."

The whole neighborhood goes dead silent as I'm standing in the snow in the street yelling. It was epic. I felt like I should be in a movie, because I was so ready to throw down on these guys. She says they are "old", but apparently they are both like maybe late 40's and just hang out at home all day and spy on people. So I know they are watching me and I'm calling these a-holes out, and they hide in their houses. They know every movement of my mom's 4 pound dog, but both pretend they don't hear me. I yell at them I'll be talking to them REAL soon.

I walk inside the house and call the cops. I tell him the story. He gets super pissed. I mean royally. He gets their names, numbers, and info and says "They are charged with trespassing since your sister asked them to leave and they refused. I'll make phone contact with both now, I'll contact a judge, we'll get a non-contact order, and we'll charge them with criminal trespass. If they come onto your property, call me and I'll come and handcuff them and take them both away to jail. I'm dead serious.

I was blown away by this officer. He was so cool. So they've both been charged and word is spreading through the community like wildfire that I went into the street and called these Nazi assclowns out. Everybody was calling my mom asking what's up. She goes, "Honey, I think you made things worse! They're going to fine me." I said, "Nope. These guys are going to jail if they EVER talk to my mother again. Sorry mom. But I love you and I will die for you, even if it means I do it beating the holy hell out of two dried up old losers who have nothing better to do than spy on you. They are creepy and I am doing EXACTLY what Dad would have done, and that's why you married him. Now everybody will realize they can press charges on Hitler and Himler and they will go to jail if they mess with us. If they step on our property, I'll kick the crap out of them. The officer said that if they are warned to leave our property and don't, that I am justified in calling 911 and then using force to remove them. So we're good. Life's gonna get a whole lot better."

I felt good. Screw the HOA nazis. Anybody have a good story about screwing up an HOA and taking down the bored clowns who run one and think they are God? I will enroll in law school tomorrow just so I can sue the crap out of this association in 3 years. I'm that set on finishing these clowns off. I am sitting here like a mongoose just jumping around in anticipation like I did in high school hoping one of them dares to step on our property tonight. I've been sitting by the front window all day watching ready to pounce and beat one down hard. It's an awesome feeling to take control and help my mom. She's been stepped on by these dicks for 7 years, and hasn't told me. Now Jonny found out, and things about to get ugly up here. Muahahahaha. The great part? The officer is coming up to serve them with the order in person and I'm going to stand in the street and let the snow fall down and make me look even more like Satan himself and laugh! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Bastards.

The moral of the story? Love your mother and take care of her. It's the right thing to do. Even if it is just a whole lot of fun for you.

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R.I.P. Dad. I miss you. You will never be forgotten
1/12/39 - 8/7/08

Buahahaha. I find this very amusing, as I work in the real estate industry.

I also work in real estate in a bit different way. I work in insurance restoration and remodeling as a software analyst and we also make the software that HUD requires all banks and mortgage companies to use now to log all "shadow inventory" and foreclosures and send the monthly reports of their holdings and it also tracks any work that needs to be done on the property to get it into sellable condition and back on the market (so they can legally claim the write off to get a home back into selling condition, and prove to HUD that they aren't holding back massive inventory in hopes that prices jump and using housing as a "hedge"). So we are required to know every building code known to man and every law as far as homeowner's insurance goes, HOA laws, etc. because we are the claims backend for 9 of the 10 biggest homeowner's insurers in the USA, all in Canada, the largest in the UK, and the 3 largest in Mexico. We have to know EVERYTHING. I know her rights. We have to help customers create full rebuilds and price them out and meet HOA standards and such and are constantly working with adjusters from every big insurer you know and the contractors who perform the work (we process up to 60,000 claims a day on a storm day). I'm not a rookie. Plus I used to be an assistant principal (designated "bad cop" in the school) and so I can be a complete dick because I was never afraid to yell it out with somebody. These guys just met an angry SOB on a bad day and are going to feel my wrath. I just think it's funny that they are probably pissing their pants right about now and I just ruined their whole weekend. Hot-diggity-dog!

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R.I.P. Dad. I miss you. You will never be forgotten
1/12/39 - 8/7/08

Good for you, Shark!

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GO HAWKS!!!

Visit my Seahawks blog at 17power.blogspot.com!

Follow me on Twitter at @17power

Way to go, Jon! Moms have to be protected, whether they agree or not.

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If you're walking on thin ice, you might as well dance.................................................Mom

This is not as bad as the horses asses blasting Tech World's Mother here a couple of years ago.

I think that's calmed down now but Dom & I talked about it via email a couple of times. Standard line here is Don't screw with my Mother.

Years ago we lived in one of these damndable housing areas and one fall we left the lights on in our travel trailer to be sure there was power out there so it wouldn't freeze as we were going to use it one more time.

I get notes in my mail box, warning me no one could live in a trailer on property. I don't mind their questions if they merely call me or come over and ask. Its the behind the scenes bullshit I hate.

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Ok, our old ones fell to 11-2. So its time for a new updated pair.

That's the thing Les... why not just drop by and say "Hey, is everything ok? I noticed the light on in your trailer and wanted to let you know in case it was left on by accident, or some kids had gotten in there or something." It's all in how you approach people. At that point, you'd have said, "No... we're keeping it going so we can take another trip. I'm sure that's not a violation. Thanks for letting me know you saw a light on."

Everybody leaves with a happy feeling. Instead... I know they LOVE to leave people feeling bad and go powertripping, so they don't even consider the idea of being helpful or using HOA's for what they are there for... they were meant to help protect and watch out for your neighbors and maintain property value.

My mom breaking two branches decreases nobody's property value. If/when they slap a lien on her home, then we slap a lawsuit on them and go for damages. I'm not a "let's sue everybody" kind of guy... but in this case, I will take them to the woodshed. They can't show any property value loss or how my mom's dog sneaking out when she opened the door somehow hurt their HOA. So a lien will not be enforced. A judge would LAUGH at her. Liens were meant to settle debts when legitimate work has been done. If a roofer comes in and does the roof and doesn't get paid, then the lien is his protection to assure that the house can not change hands until he gets his money. It's a powerful tool, and then and only then will the judge side with the person who slapped a lien on. If they walk into court and say "We're owed $850 because her schnauzer ran around and we have a notepad with check marks showing every time the dog did so..." then the judge will laugh them out of court and they will be forced to withdraw. A lien doesn't hurt until she sells anyway, and she wants to live here for the remainder of her life.

I will sue them. I will win. We will all laugh. Losers. They just think they can bully people, and it is really interesting they've never tried this shiz when I've been here. I am here on average once a week for years and have been here full time for over a month. Not a word. I've been sick in bed. So I finally left one day and then they show up. Cowards and pricks.

I'm pity anybody who messed with Dom's mother. He takes no crap from anybody, and I would love to be there to help when he went off on somebody. He's as nice of a man as I know, but as nice as he is, he's ten times as loyal and won't take crap from anybody. He loves his family like I do mine, and I know what I'm capable of. I can only imagine what he's capable of.

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R.I.P. Dad. I miss you. You will never be forgotten
1/12/39 - 8/7/08

Schadie001 works for an HOA. Pretty sure he's an "enforcer" too.

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Legal Notice: Any references made by the online entity know as SacHawk2.0 or "Sac" in regards to "RolandDeschain" or "iRo" being a pre-op tranny with an anal bead/club and nubbins fetish are entirely accurate.

Who is Schadie001? HOA's have become so corrupt that it's sickening. Anybody who gets off on being on an HOA board and fining people are no better than the Gestapo.

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R.I.P. Dad. I miss you. You will never be forgotten
1/12/39 - 8/7/08

Aside from finding Jews to persecute, yeah you're probably right. Schadie is a bible thumping tea bagger that frequents the pwr.

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Legal Notice: Any references made by the online entity know as SacHawk2.0 or "Sac" in regards to "RolandDeschain" or "iRo" being a pre-op tranny with an anal bead/club and nubbins fetish are entirely accurate.

Good for you I can't stand HOA. When I had Little kids one old witch complained my kids were " disturbing the peace" by playing outside ( riding bicycles) when the could go to the park

What a skag. Did you report her for lowering your property value due to her creepiness at stalking children? Fight fire with fire.

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R.I.P. Dad. I miss you. You will never be forgotten
1/12/39 - 8/7/08

There is actually religious persecution involved with my mom and these two guys. We're in Utah. She doesn't have a same thought/belief system as these two guys and they are on her like rabid dogs, but don't do the same to some others in the neighborhood who do very bad things. Interesting huh?

I've never heard of Schadie. Sounds like a real tool.

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R.I.P. Dad. I miss you. You will never be forgotten
1/12/39 - 8/7/08

My grandpa, once he retired and moved with my grandma into a little retirement community, became the bane of the HOA
in ways similar to what you are describing.

In the end, they learned one of life's truisms: Never mess with an drunken Irishman who has an insane Pakistani lawyer for a best friend.

That's awesome Riley! I hope in the end these guys learn "never mess with an angry Scottish/German elementary school teacher/software analyst who has a spine full of titanium, and a shillelagh in his hand at all times for 'balance'".

Funny thing.... we had to deal with the police again today. This guy sold my sister a car and used a fake name on the title and bill of sale, and it didn't pass safety and emissions. She went and got the police and they showed up to charge him with fraud. Pretty hilarious. He was a big guy. Looked like a mountain man. I went off on him and I swear he crapped his pants. I told him to be a man of his word and fix this, or we'll take the next step. He goes, "What's the next step?" I said, "Be a man and fix this crap, or I can be a royal dick and you'll find out." He spent his day repairing the car.

I'm due for some bad mojo I'm afraid. All I try to do is help my family. My sister has been through hell. She lost a custody battle due to a lying evil new wife that stepped in (and is an attorney) and steamrolled my sister. She lost her 2 autistic boys and it makes me so angry. I am trying to protect her and get her through college so she can have a life of her own and get her kids back. She's not a druggy, drinker, partier, or anything. She just had all of her money stolen from her by her ex-husband, he bought a nice house, and so he won the custody case because he had better housing and better representation and had already remarried so he claimed his home was more "stable". SOB's. I hate having to fix things, but I'd die for any member of my family and I'd go down swinging. I probably will. This is really starting to wear on me, and my heart is telling me we don't have much energy left to fight these battles.

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R.I.P. Dad. I miss you. You will never be forgotten
1/12/39 - 8/7/08

That is total AWESOMESAUCE Shark! (To steal a slang from the kids these days)

It's funny because our HOA has been through so many issues in the 8 years we've been in our community. Basically two phases were built and were supposed to be one community but they fractured into two separate developments, so it's been a real nightmare of He Said-She Said-isms...To the point where people took to Facebook with all the finger pointing and etc, etc...It got to the point of beyond ridiculous. Most of us just want a fair HOA board that has no agenda, simply to run as the community expects it to. Well, I was talked into joining the new HOA board (after pretty much all of the old board quit) and I refused at first but then decided I wanted to do whatever I could to help bridge the gap and get the board back to a respected group of fellow neighbors who simply have the best interests of the community at heart. They love my tendency to be unbiased and fair. It's true, I always side with what's fair and just. So I joined.

This new group are all wickedly cool, down-to-earth, fair people. Our first meeting we were attacked by one of the known instigators in the community, wanting to know what gave us the credentials to take the positions. I simply responded to her saying that the ONLY reason I decided to join the board was because I too was fed up with the bullshit, and there's not a single person on this board driven with any agenda other than to do what's right for the community as a whole.

Our President (who happens to be one of the guitarists in my cover band) is a very methodical, level-headed dude that is trying to make sure everything we do is by the book, legal, and fair. I'm the last person on the planet you would ever peg for an HOA member - trust me - but to be honest I've done little in our community to serve so I am happy to be a part of a legitimate, fair and honest group. All we want to do is make sure nobody is taking advantage of the bi-laws, etc, etc. One of my primary goals is to make sure that we are helping those that need the help (i.e. not screwing anyone over, especially those who have fallen on hard times, are on a fixed income, ill, etc). Yes, you have to walk the fine line of being fair and not showing preferential treatment while also taking into consideration those who have situations that are not favorable as mentioned before.

In the end, it all boils down to common sense. That's why I love your story. For the record, if we ever had idiots doing what they were doing to your mom, we would be the first to rain fire and Hell down on their asses.

You are a good son and a stud for doing what you did!

I'm all for fair and good HOA's in a community. Ran appropriately, they can help keep the community a great place to live. As for bad HOA's, they can suck it.

I hope you don't mind if I share your post with our board. They would get a kick out of it while reminding us the value in not just blindly following the rules, but doing what is right.

Common sense.

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"We're 11-1? We're 1-0 today and that's all that matters." -- Doug Baldwin after the MNF beatdown against the Saints

If you live in Washington State, Idaho, Montana, or any other state with a strong castle doctrine, you should not hesitate to beat the snot out of these clowns if they so much as put a single toe on your mother's property. I take a dim view to people who head up an HOA then abuse their responsibilities.

Recently, I was driving through a middle class neighborhood in Kennewick looking for rental properties to buy when I had to turn around at a dead end street. Upon getting turned around, I was approached by some stupid lady who literally told me that while the speed limit was 25mph, she wanted me to go 15mph because "she has small children who could be playing in the street". I laughed at her heartily then said if she wants people to go slower, perhaps she should petition the city council to lower the speed limit. I also mentioned that if her children get hit by a car, perhaps she should work on her parenting skills. She didn't appreciate that answer and got really lippy with me, stating she was a member of the neighborhood watch, head of the HOA, and it would be "really easy to say I was driving recklessly through her neighborhood". I laughed again and drove off. Stupid, stupid lady.

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Feel free to contact me if you need legal assistance. I have a great lawyer that helped me with an ex who violated my privacy and kept harassing me on MySpace and Facebook. He's very good. And there is legal precedent. - linuxpro

He is hold back the legion of boom - skater18000

Thanks Aros, this post means a lot to me. I am more than happy for you to share this with your HOA. In fact, I wish it was required reading. It sounds like you guys have it all down.

I grew up in Unincorporated Federal Way (about 2 miles away from Enchanted Village, right by Peasley Canyon off of Military Road). We had an HOA. The point of that HOA was to have shared benefits. Like we had our own park at the lake with a dock and a sandy beach. We each took turns mowing the lawn. We also had a neighborhood watch and looked out for each other. The only dues were the costs of the insurance on the fenced off lake park for residents on Lake Geneva, and they were very minimal. It was a matter of just having a common neighborhood bond. That park was where all the families would meet on the sunny July days and it made us closer. We'd have neighborhood activities and the HOA gave us all a chance to KNOW each other and look out for others. It was NOT a phony policing force that was there to boss people around.

That is how HOA's have lost their way.

And Smokinhawk... I live in Utah. We're a shoot-first, ask questions later state. Our rules aren't quite as lenient as Texas, but I can sit on her porch with my shotgun all day and nobody can do anything about it. You have to be 2 actions from shooting. In fact... I can walk the streets with it. As long as I don't aim it and have one in the chamber. It can even be loaded. It's not against the law.

I have decided for personal reasons to do away with my firearms and they are in storage now as we build our new home. But the guys are lucky. I would have been very tempted to get out my short-stock Mossberg and use it to knock on their door. Not a good idea, but also not 100% illegal either. Heh heh.

I thank you guys for your support. Life has been so incredibly hard for 2 years. I can't even get into it all. I've been a mess. But to have the opportunity to fight for my mom made me proud. She has fought for me for 39 years, and fought through hell for 71 years of her life. She was abused and actually her mother just abandoned her as a child, and each day is still a struggle. She has had it pretty rough, and still found a way to buy a nice home, worked as a university professor, has her masters, and raised five kick-ass kids who love her with everything they have.

She got upset about it, and my sister said, "MOM.... the only way Jon reacted that way, is because that is what you and Dad taught us! You'd die for us Mom and Dad would have too. Now Jon is just doing exactly what Dad would have done, and what you would have done for us if roles were reversed." She kind of nodded and went and sat in her chair. I could tell she was proud, and that means a lot because in some pretty big ways I've let her down in the last few years.

Thank you guys. Thank you so much.

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R.I.P. Dad. I miss you. You will never be forgotten
1/12/39 - 8/7/08

Your story makes me smile when i'm down on the Hawks losing. It's all about perspective I suppose.

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"Go for Broke" - 442nd Japanese-American Battalion

Shaun Alexander #37 for the HoF - 119 Games 2176 Att 9429 Yards 4.3 YPC 100 TDs (112 TDs total) 2005 MVP

"YOU POST...TO WIN...thethread." JesterHawk

The hurt goes away when you slowly return to normal life and remember this is all just entertainment. I know it's easier said than done for us diehards, but it's true all the same. The Seahawks may be what brought us all together, but it's our humanity that binds us.

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"We're 11-1? We're 1-0 today and that's all that matters." -- Doug Baldwin after the MNF beatdown against the Saints