Radish Memorial Groaner / Kneeslapper thread

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  • I'll start it off with this one.

    An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor's, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory.

    After checking the couple out, the doctor tells them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.

    Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asks, "Where are you going?"

    He replies, "To the kitchen."

    She asks, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

    He replies, "Sure."

    She then asks him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"

    He says, "No, I can remember that."

    She then says, "Well, I also would like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that."

    He says, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

    She replies, "Well, I also would like whip cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."

    With irritation in his voice, he says, "I don't need to write that down, I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen.

    After about 20 minutes he returns from the kitchen and hands her a plate of bacon and eggs.

    She stares at the plate for a moment and says, "You forgot my toast."
    Doug Baldwin took a hit to the head when he was younger and now can't remember how to drop a football. - SomersetHawk
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    JesterHawk
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  • A woman is cooking eggs in the kitchen when her husband runs in.

    Immediately, he sees the eggs and gasps in horror.

    "Be careful! CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh, my GOSH!"

    The wife, startled at her husband's violent reaction, dashes to the fridge to get some butter.

    "You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!"

    The wife, concerned by the status of her husband's mental state,forgets about the butter and goes running to the eggs.

    "WE NEED BUTTER! Are you CRAZY??? Where are we going to get the butter? They're going to stick! HURRY!"

    The wife runs to the fri-

    "CAREFUL about the eggs! CAREFUL. You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them quickly! Oh not that quickly, don't you know how to cook? Are you insane? Turn the DAMN EGGS!"

    At this point, the wife starts crying, since she has no idea what to do.

    She gasps "What is WRONG with you? I know how to cook eggs."

    The husband simply smiles, remarks "I just wanted to show you what it feels like while I'm driving with you in the car", and leaves.
    Doug Baldwin took a hit to the head when he was younger and now can't remember how to drop a football. - SomersetHawk
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  • Here's one Les sent me years ago.




    NUCLEAR POWER


    A STRANGER WAS SEATED NEXT TO A LITTLE GIRL ON THE AIRPLANE WHEN THE STRANGER TURNED TO HER AND SAID, "LET'S TALK. I'VE HEARD THAT FLIGHTS GO QUICKER IF YOU STRIKE UP A CONVERSATION WITH YOUR FELLOW PASSENGER".

    THE LITTLE GIRL, WHO HAD JUST OPENED HER BOOK, CLOSED IT SLOWLY AND SAID TO THE STRANGER, "WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO TALK ABOUT?"

    "OH, I DON'T KNOW", SAID THE STRANGER. "HOW ABOUT NUCLEAR POWER?"

    "OK, " SHE SAID. "THAT COULD BE AN INTERESTING TOPIC. BUT LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION FIRST. A HORSE, A COW, AND A DEER ALL EAT GRASS, THE SAME STUFF. YET A DEER EXCRETES LITTLE PELLETS, WHILE THE COW TURNS OUT A FLAT PATTY, AND THE HORSE PRODUCES CLUMPS OF DRIED GRASS. WHY DO YOU SUPPOSE THAT IS?"

    THE STRANGER THINKS ABOUT IT AND SAYS, HMMM, I HAVE NO IDEA,"

    TO WHICH THE LITTLE GIRL REPLIES, "DO YOU REALLY FEEL QUALIFIED TO DISCUSS NUCLEAR POWER WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT?"
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    To Be P/C or Not P/C That is the Question..........Seahawks kick Ass !!!!
    Check your PM's, Thank you for everything Radish RIP My Friend. :les:
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  • I can't post any jokes that he sent me because it was always just pictures of melons. Guy loved his produce.
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    Laloosh
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  • Laloosh wrote:I can't post any jokes that he sent me because it was always just pictures of melons. Guy loved his produce.



    Oh I have painted ladies that we can't post, showing them getting painted up and his gallery and rating.
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    To Be P/C or Not P/C That is the Question..........Seahawks kick Ass !!!!
    Check your PM's, Thank you for everything Radish RIP My Friend. :les:
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  • A newlywed couple was getting ready for bed on their wedding night. Being the old-fashioned types, this was their first night together. The bride is in bed, all dressed in her fancy negligee, watching her new hubby get undressed with anticipation. He takes off his shirt, then sits down on the bed and takes off his socks, and his toes are all gnarled, small and twisted! She says "What's wrong with your feet?" He replies "When I was small, I had toelio once." She says "You mean polio?" He says "No, I had toelio. Now my toes look like this." She thinks to herself "Well, they mostly stay in his shoes, and I love him, so I can put up with this." He continues to get undressed, and when he drops his trousers she sees that his kneecaps are tiny, twisted, and off to the sides of his legs! She says "My God, what's wrong with your knees?" He says "Another time when I was small, I had kneesles." She says "You mean measles?" "No" he says, "I had kneesles, and now my knees are like this." She again thinks to herself "Well, they stay covered with his pant legs, so I guess I can put up with this as well." So, the husband continues to get undressed. Suddenly he drops his briefs, and the new bride takes one look and yells out "Oh sure, now I suppose your going to tell me that when you were small you once had a bad case of smallcocks!"
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    GeekHawk
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  • MontanaHawk05 wrote:An Irishman walked out of a bar.


    But....but...but.....there was one next door.
    Cats will rule the world...just ask my cat.
    RLKats..."Scott M. Made the niners good helped build the Hawks a bit (current GM is a bad ass). Quote me." So I did.
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    Seahawkfan80
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  • Seahawkfan80 wrote:
    MontanaHawk05 wrote:An Irishman walked out of a bar.


    But....but...but.....there was one next door.


    You may not realize this, but the reason God invented whisky was so the Irish wouldn't rule the world.
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  • GeekHawk wrote:
    Seahawkfan80 wrote:
    MontanaHawk05 wrote:An Irishman walked out of a bar.


    But....but...but.....there was one next door.


    You may not realize this, but the reason God invented whisky was so the Irish wouldn't rule the world.


    Obviously there is a GOD...then. Crap. :2thumbs:
    Cats will rule the world...just ask my cat.
    RLKats..."Scott M. Made the niners good helped build the Hawks a bit (current GM is a bad ass). Quote me." So I did.
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  • GeekHawk wrote:
    Seahawkfan80 wrote:
    MontanaHawk05 wrote:An Irishman walked out of a bar.


    But....but...but.....there was one next door.


    You may not realize this, but the reason God invented whisky was so the Irish wouldn't rule the world.


    Careful. A real Irishman might be insulted at your spelling. Irish Whiskey is spelled with an 'e'. Only Scotch Whisky drops the 'e'. :irishdrinkers:
    JSeahawks wrote:My main thought as we were losing, "s***, now i have to hear it from maulbert for another year."
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    Maulbert
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  • How I spell it depends on how much I've had.
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  • A man went to see a therapist. He said "Doc, my motorbike has become sentient. It gets angry whenever it runs out of gas and physically assaults me! I go fill it up, but then I have to visit the hospital for my injuries and wind up paying thousands of dollars' worth of medical bills. That means I don't have money left for gas, so the bike runs out again, gets mad again, and beats me up again! It all just keeps happening over and over!"

    The therapist looks up from his notes and goes, "Sounds like a vicious cycle."
    GO HAWKS!!!

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