For those of you who've lost fathers...

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  • Thank you for sharing.
    Aussie Seahawk
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  • The_Z_Man wrote:
    Watching my wife go through this has brought it all home. There is something about a father that sticks by you all your life that gives you a sense of stability like nothing else, and when the old man is gone -- the world seems shakier.


    Thank you for sharing..... and I wanted to add on to your quote above. This is exactly it.

    For me at the time, it felt like my anchor line was cut and I started drifting, that's how I put it. It was a scary drifting feeling. I don't know, its a hard thing to put into words, how your base or rock is gone.

    Condolences to your family Z Man.
    twisted_steel2
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  • Wow, very thoughtful and well-stated post. Thank you for sharing those moments and memories with us.

    My dad was very personable, funny and often times the life of the party. He was also an alcoholic. My parents divorced when I was 11 and she often said that he/they shielded the worst of his alcoholism from us kids, and that would make sense because I don't recall too many bad memories growing up in my pre-teen years. In fact, I thought we were a pretty great family all-in-all.

    I did see the worst of his alcoholism in my teens when I would go stay with him on some weekends. I became his unwitting designated driver. He would have me drop him off at the bar several miles away (I was 14-ish, a year or more away from my driver's permit) and tell me to pick him up at closing time. At the time I don't think I minded all that much because I got to drive and I was pretty good at it already. Traffic was always minimal at this time of evening in Enumclaw.

    However, I always hated picking him up because he was drunk and while I am sure his antics were fitting for a bar at 1am surrounded by other drunks, it didn't do too much for a 14-year-old son.

    However, even with some of the less-than flattering memories, he always told us kids how much he loved us, whether he was flat sober or blasted. His love was very real and we always knew that. He had a big heart and a big laugh but unfortunately a bigger appetite for beer and it ultimately cost him his family and his life.

    In December 1990, the worst news of my life happened when my mom called me (I was living in NYC at the time) to tell me my beloved sister was killed in a car accident. On that day my life changed forever. However, as broken as my mom and I was over the sudden and shocking loss, my dad was b r o k e n.

    When I flew home for her funeral it was surprising my dad was even functioning. For the first time in my life, I went to a bar and had a drink with him. Even then, I could see it on his face. He wasn't going to live for long. The thought of my sister going before him would prove too much. Six months later around Memorial Day weekend my dad was thrown from a 1955 Crown Victoria and was killed.

    There was talk about alcohol. There was mention of a possible heart attack. I knew the truth.

    My dad died of a broken heart.

    A few months later I had a lucid dream, what I call a contact dream. My dad was standing by my bedside with a smile, and motioned me to follow him downstairs. He walked over to my mom's purse and pulled out a piece of paper, handed it to me and smiled again. With that I awoke.

    I ran downstairs (I was staying with my mom at the time) and excitedly told her that dad handed me that old insurance paperwork she had put in her purse to call on but didn't get around it thinking it was so long ago it wouldn't be active. Well, it turned out that was in fact the active insurance policy.

    Any grief and bad feelings I ever had for my father has since been replaced with forgiveness, love and the fact we will one day be together again.

    And I will still insist on driving.
    Aros
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  • Thanks, the one thing we all have in common is dealing with loss, whether it's a parent, grand parent, sibling, friend, etc...

    And the thing about grief is that it comes in various forms. My wife and I have good friends who have been married for 20+ years and by all indications, seemed like the perfect couple. Now they are getting divorced and it's fascinating how the shock extends to the circle of friends. Even though it's not death exactly, it's still a form of it in the shape of a relationship you thought would always be there and one day is just no more.
    Aros
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  • Thanks for sharing everyone, I have loses like you all, you do when you reach a certain age. But reflection and bringing back memories is always good, they may not be on this Earth as we knew them but they are always alive if we have not forgotten them.
    chris98251
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  • Death is a part of life and Aros is absolutely right the grief hits everyone differently. To me it is the most dynamic of all human emotions which is why it is so hard. Even though we all deal with grief we're dealing with it in a very personal way.

    I think of it this way -- when someone dies, I try not to dwell on the loss -- but on the gift of the very best of that person that they gave to me. Not just memories, but wisdom and character and strength. Whether it's my own dad or my father-in-law or Les Norton or anyone else I've cared about, I hold onto the gifts they have given me and know that they continue to shape the person that I am for the better ... until it's time for me to pass on my spirit to those I leave behind.

    It's a sacred thing to cherish those you've lost. Thanks for sharing.
    Hawkstorian
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  • chris98251 wrote:Thanks for sharing everyone, I have loses like you all, you do when you reach a certain age. But reflection and bringing back memories is always good, they may not be on this Earth as we knew them but they are always alive if we have not forgotten them.


    Absolutely, Chris. Well said, sir.
    Aussie Seahawk
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  • Hawkstorian wrote:Death is a part of life and Aros is absolutely right the grief hits everyone differently. To me it is the most dynamic of all human emotions which is why it is so hard. Even though we all deal with grief we're dealing with it in a very personal way.

    I think of it this way -- when someone dies, I try not to dwell on the loss -- but on the gift of the very best of that person that they gave to me. Not just memories, but wisdom and character and strength. Whether it's my own dad or my father-in-law or Les Norton or anyone else I've cared about, I hold onto the gifts they have given me and know that they continue to shape the person that I am for the better ... until it's time for me to pass on my spirit to those I leave behind.

    It's a sacred thing to cherish those you've lost. Thanks for sharing.


    Great wisdom here John...I feel honored to have met and shared some times - however brief - with your father before some Seahawks home games at Temple years back.
    Aros
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