Bonzi Wells releases report on "Jail Blazers" locker room

Discuss any and all sports-related topics. From the College Sports to Baseball and everything in between. LANGUAGE RATING: PG-13
  • “Two words: Ruben Patterson. It was 2001, my second year with the team, when he was brought on. Everyone knew about his past; he was a registered secks offender for the attempted[..] of his kid’s nanny. These guys wouldn’t let him forget it. The worst was Shawn Kemp. At least two or three times a week, Shawn would bring in a briefcase full of pictures of his kids’ nannies. I’m talking hundreds of pictures of nannies, each one of them different and extremely graphic. Shawn was even in some of them. He would just dump them in front of Ruben’s locker and usually say something like, “I would’ve run train over your nanny.” He even snuck out of practice once when Coach Cheeks wasn’t paying attention to fill Ruben’s locker with nanny pictures. Thousands of nanny pictures came pouring out. I had just a$sumed Shawn went to take one of his customary coke breaks, but this almost sent Ruben over the edge. At this point, Shawn became legitimately concerned for his safety. He even sought out extra security personnel for himself and all of his kids that he knew of.”

    Ruben Patterson

    However, this wasn’t even the worst that Ruben got:

    “One time Damon [Stoudamire] caught Ruben jerking it to a Victoria’s Secret catalogue. The guys wouldn’t let him live that down. He was Lubin’ Ruben after that. Rasheed [Wallace] and Zach Randolph were relentless. Those two made his life hell, calling him Lubin’ Ruben every chance they got. Ruben once told me he was contemplating “taking them out in front of everyone in the locker room,” but I talked him out of it. I told him he would probably miss and hit Steve Kerr.”

    More stories... ... d-2067783/

    EDIT: On a second note, looks like it's fake, but still funny to read.
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  • Why would he have to do that? He was a millionaire? Just go to Cowgirls wearing the jersey and soon they would be fighting over him. Or actual strip club like Mary's
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